The Friendship Fire
Tonight marked our first Friday Night Service, our 80th Friendship Fire. The Friendship Fire is a celebration of all of the friendships that form at camp between people from all over the globe. One of the annual traditions that separates the Friendship Fire from other Friday Night Services is forgoing our normal keylog ceremony and instead having a camper or staff representative of every different city that makes up North Star throw a keylog into the fire to represent the bonds of friendship between their hometown and North Star. This summer we have campers and staff from 29 states and 16 countries.
Following our musical selection of “If Not For You” (Bob Dylan), a camper-counselor chorus of “With a Little Help From My Friends” (The Beatles), and a staff chorus of “You’ve Got a Friend” (Carole King), we had campers from each village share what values and traits they believe good friendship consists of. It’s a perfect way to set the tone for the rest of the session, and the year, with our campers going back to their cabins ruminating over how they can be the best possible friend.
Near the end of every Friday Night Service, we have a staff member give a sermonette of their own pertaining to the theme of each service. Tonight, Jude Holz recited a touching and insightful story about friendship from his own camp experience:
I entered camp as a fairly shy, pudgy, and innocuous kid. I didn’t particularly know who I was, but no nine year old does. For my first couple of summers, camp was a place to enjoy activities and have as much fun as one could. But as I grew older, what kept me coming back was not riflery or UN Day, but the friendships I was developing, friendships that I could not make anywhere else.
My identity formed around the group of charismatic and deeply interesting people that surrounded me. I was drawn to the loudest and most vibrant personalities, and for reasons still elusive, they were also drawn to me. When I was in J4, just ten years old, I met two of my best friends to this date, although I had no idea at the time. A one Joseph S. who I absolutely did not get along with. I was constantly frustrated with him and I know I did not respond in the best of ways. The other whom I sat with my back to for every meal and occasionally exchanged words with was Leo F.. Two people that are entirely different from myself and entirely different from each other. Our friendships sparked at different times and for different reasons, but neither was one dimensional. What we gained from our friendship was exactly what each of us did not have, filling in gaps that we did not know we had.
It became apparent that what camp provided for me was not just the people that surrounded me, but also an environment that allowed me to express who I was and celebrate people for their own particular traits. Camp offers an environment that embraces inclusivity, where individuals feel accepted for who they are and encouraged to express themselves freely.
Outside of camp, I played baseball for my high school. I was placed next to similarly loud, charismatic, and athletic kids, but I felt completely isolated. On the baseball field, I was judged by how far I could hit a ball, or how fast I could throw one. And since I could hit no ball far and throw no ball fast, my social perception was skewed. There was no opportunity for me to display who I was as a person aside from ability, so I closed myself off and felt like a shell of myself. We presented ourselves like we were playing a team sport, but in actuality we were only concerned with our individual successes. True friends allow you to make flaws and express imperfections, not use someone’s shortcomings for their personal gains.
Because of this experience, I convinced myself that camp was the only reason that I was able to make the friends that I did, and outside of the arches I was hopeless. This summer, Leo Falender was unable to return to camp and I was afraid to ask myself the question what our friendship was without camp. So instead of confronting the question, I refused to ask it, barely talking to Leo for months. But I finally mustered up the courage to call him and it was like no time had passed at all. I quickly realized the absurdity in my reasoning and the rigidity of friendship.
Friendship is a peculiar form of relationship. Unlike family, you choose to enter a friendship, but nobody would choose to live without friends. Friendship is nowhere near easy. Friendship only exists if it is acknowledged by both parties. It must be reciprocal. It is not enough to wish someone well, they must wish you well in return. And most of all, friendship is like fitness. Just as fitness is maintained by physical activity, friendships are maintained by doing things together. The digital devices that supposedly provide us with unprecedented connection leave many of us feeling rather lonely. Even with the remarkable nature of email, text messaging, and social media, they only offer an illusion of true connection. Many of us are finding ourselves connected, but alone. They cannot replace real, live, in-person connection. It instead appeals to our vanity and shields our vulnerability. We are now able to control what others see in ways that we cannot possibly do in person. Human beings crave intimacy. But genuine intimacy requires vulnerability, and vulnerability requires courage. There is something irreplaceable about being truly present with another human being and there is no app for that and I can’t imagine there ever will be.
