Robyn’s Ideas for Coach Kids Through a Hard Moment
My six-year-old son loves his after-school activities, especially tae kwon do. Recently, though, he’s been pushing back, big time. He’s always been a kid that craves control, and as parents we’re constantly trying to find the balance between giving him ownership and guiding him toward commitments that are good for him. But yesterday he really dug in. He was adamant that he wasn’t going to tae kwon do class.
So instead of arguing, negotiating, or trying to convince him otherwise, I told him, “That’s fine—you don’t have to do tae kwon do anymore. But if that’s your decision, you have to go and tell your instructor yourself.”
Not surprisingly, he didn’t love those choices. But we got in the car and drove over anyway.
When we arrived, my six-year-old bravely walked into the class and told the instructor that he didn’t want to do tae kwon do anymore. I stood quietly in the doorway and watched.
The instructor was surprised, but he handled the moment beautifully—without any warning from me. Instead of turning to talk with me, he talked directly with my son. He told him how well he had been doing. He shared that he was one of his favorite students because he showed up every week, worked hard, and always gave his best effort.
My son had a few tears as he explained that he didn’t want to do it because it was hard and challenging. The instructor smiled kindly and said something simple but powerful: “You’re right. It *is* hard. And you’re doing it.”
He wasn’t pushy. He wasn’t dismissive. He simply acknowledged the challenge and reminded my son of what he was capable of.
The whole time, I felt proud watching my six-year-old take accountability for his own decision—even at such a young age.
In the end, he decided to stay for class. When it was over, he literally bounced back out to me with a huge smile on his face, feeling proud.
As a camp director, I think about teaching skills of resilience probably more often than the average parent. We talk often at North Star about helping campers build confidence and learn to push through challenges but even still, I don’t have a crystal ball for when those opportunities will appear in my own house. Nobody does. And turns out, sometimes they show up unexpectedly on a Tuesday afternoon.
I’m proud of my little guy for sharing his frustrations and still rising to the occasion. Today it was something small but someday the challenges will be bigger. And moments like this are part of preparing him for those, too.
Since none of us have a crystal ball but we’re all working to raise kids who can handle the right amount of challenge, it’s always worth having a moment of thought and reflection:
When was the last time you let your child navigate a challenge on their own? What was it? Who handled it—you or them? And how did it turn out? What did they learn along the way that (hopefully) will get them ready for the next challenge?
It’s hard to push kids through difficult moments, and sometimes it’s even harder to simply stand back and watch. I’ll admit, it wasn’t easy standing in that doorway seeing the few tears streaming down my son’s face. Yet, watching him walk back out of class proud of himself reminded me why those moments matter.
